Cast
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Year in School: Senior Major: History Favorite Robber Baron: British People Bio: Tristan doesn’t want anybody else, but when he thinks about you he gets kicked out of public places. |
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Year in School: Senior Major: Badassery Favorite Robber Baron: Louis IXV Bio: Jessica Rowe (affectionately referred to as “J.Rowe”) became a Robber Baron as a result of affirmative action. As a half-black woman from a single-parent, low-income household, she is diversity personified. |
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Year in School: Senior Major: Human Biology Favorite Robber Baron: Pulitzer, for partially inspiring the Disney musical Newsies Bio: An Avid flyfisher, Sara spends most of her time at the bait and tackle shop. |
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Year in School: Junior Major: American Studies Favorite Robber Baron: Leland Stanford Bio: Sam is a big doofus. |
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Year in School: Senior Major: I dunno Favorite Robber Baron: Queen Elizabeth II Bio: Mary Glen is from Kansas, and likes it more than you’d think. She didn’t talk much when she was younger—then her older brother made her take a drama class. And now we have the opposite problem. Sorry. |
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Year in School: Junior Major: Something Humanities Favorite Robber Baron: Yoko Ono Bio: Sophia Carter-Kahn is not a girl, not yet a woman. She wants the world; she wants the whole world! She wants to wrap it all up in her pocket – it’s her bar of chocolate. This is why she’s hot: she’s hot because she’s fly. You aren’t, because you’re not. |
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Year in School: Junior Major: Vegetarianism Favorite Robber Baron: Jay-Z Bio: Josh likes Macintosh, but not Apple. Josh likes mosh pits, but not angry drunk people throwing him around. Josh likes OshKosh B’Gosh, but not children (‘s clothing). Does Josh like Roshbber Barons or sketch coshmedy? |
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Year in School: Junior Major: BioCore Favorite Robber Baron: J.P. Morgan Bio: Lauren Kelly was birthed into a vat of cornmeal. |
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Year in School: Junior Major: Human Biology with a concentration in Neurobiology and Child Development and Doucheology Favorite Robber Baron: Rich Uncle Moneybags Bio: Carlo is bad at writing bios. Fifty words is both a lot and not enough. That’s fifteen already. Dang it. Eighteen. Besides making funnies, Carlo likes thinking about words and playing with children. The converse is only half true. He loves writing and making people loldemort. Also, Asian. Screw Flanders. |
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Year in School: Sophomore Major: Ladies Favorite Robber Baron: Baron Davis Bio: John “The Pluv” Pluvinage was born on February 14, 1992 in the year of our lord. After pinning his birthing doctor with a malpractice lawsuit, John was abandoned in some shrubbery off of interstate 101. By divine serendipity, a wild she-wolf found the lone infant and raised John until the age of 18. Today, John enjoys violent PDA and drinks 2% wolf milk. |
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Year in School: Junior Major: Comparative Literature Favorite Robber Baron: Rosie O’Donnell Bio: People think that Mari is from Minnesota. She isn’t. Her current whereabouts are unknown. |
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Year in School: Sophomore Major: Mechanical Engineering Favorite Robber Baron: Baron Münchhausen Bio: Kevin had ten thousand men. He marched them up a hill, and then subsequently back down again to build character. The officers mutinied and he was marooned at a Chuck-e-Cheese. He mooched off children for tokens and eventually won enough tickets to get an inflatable guitar. He bartered his prize with a taxi driver to get home. He no longer has ten thousand men. |
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Year in School: Poop Major: Poop Favorite Robber Baron: Poop Bio: Poop. |
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Year in School: Freshman Major: League Baseball Favorite Robber Baron: Andrew Luck Bio: Henry tried out for the part of Skeptic Mexican #2 in the music video of Aaron Carter’s “That’s How I Beat Shaq,” but he didn’t get the part. He wasn’t skeptic enough. |
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Year in School: Freshman Major: Maybe Chemical Engineering Favorite Robber Baron: Sarah Palin Bio: William “Tyler” Winick was born in Dallas, Texas, but left for California at age 12 after he wasn’t deemed big enough for Texas. After falling in love with drama in the 5th grade, he has constantly worried his parents that he will try to pursue an acting career instead of make something useful of his life. Speaking of which… Mom, Dad? I joined Robber Barons. Is that ok? |
Tristan Kruth
Jessica “JRowe” Rowe
Sara Silberstein
Sam Corrao Clanon
Mary Glen Fredrick
Sophie Carter-Kahn
Joseph Moreno
Lauren Kelly
Carlo Pasco
John Pluvinage
Mari Amend
Kevin Crain
Kevin Hurlbutt
Henry Schreiber
Tyler Winick
